There's no Such Thing as an Objective Observer, Part 2
2002-02-21 @ 10:58 a.m.

Part 2 of "There's no Such Thing as an Objective Observer":

Scene 2:

A jungle, deep in the heart of somewhere, Argentina perhaps. Steamy, smoky, wet, and heavy on the vines. Our Heroes are climbing out of the wreckage of a charter plane that has already been reclaimed by the vegetation.

[ Author ] ( To Our Archaeologist) Last time I�m letting you fly.

[ Our Archaeologist ] I happen to be an excellent flier.

[ Author ] (Aside) Sure, when sitting in first class.

[ Starry-Eyed Male ] Where are we? (Looks around and notices that they�re in a jungle.) Oh, no! We�re going to be mauled by horrible, horrible panthers!

[ Our Archaeologist ] No we�re not. Besides, it�s lions you have to look out for in the jungle.

[ Starry-Eyed Male ] (Enthralled) I�m sure you�re right, as usual.

( Our Archaeologist, now decked out in Lara Croft wear, shoulders her pack. Author drags out a trunk.)

[ Author ] And even if we do come across anything man-eating, we�ll be fine. We�ve got enough firepower to take out France here.

(They start walking, surprisingly able to find footpaths even in the densest undergrowth. Our Archaeologist stops.)

[ Our Archaeologist ] Does either of you want to lead? Because I have no idea where I�m going. (Laughs nervously.)

Later . . . Out side of a cave.

[ Our Archaeologist ] This must be that mystical cave thing on the map!

[ Author ] Mystical cave thing?

[ Starry-Eyed Male ] Excellent! This must be where it�s hidden.

[ Our Archaeologist ] Umm�yes, of course! Where else but in a mystical cave would one find the incredible abjactav absuvah!

(THX chord)

[ Our Archaeologist and Starry-Eyed Male ] Into the caves!

( Our Archaeologist and Starry-Eyed Male run into the cave and proceed to avoid imaginary booby traps and other dangers. Author follows behind at a stroll, admiring the prehistoric cave paintings. She finally catches them up as they are leaning over a dust-covered reliquary.)

[ Our Archaeologist ] �Give me that crow bar.

[ Author ] (Incredulous) You�re not going to just smash it open?!

[ Our Archaeologist ] Well I wouldn�t use the word �smash,� it sounds so negative. It�s in the interest of science for me to utterly destroy this beautiful, valuable, and probably sacred artifact in order to get to whatever may or may not be inside of it.

[ Author ] But you can�t!

[ Our Archaeologist ] Says who?

[ Author ] NAGPRA!

[ Starry-Eyed Male ] Gesheunheit.

[ Author ] No! The Native American Graves Protection and Reparation Act. You need permits and things before you go smashing stuff.

[ Our Archaeologist ] (Whiney) But the hobhictiv hobsirvir might be in there!

( Guitar riff)

[ Our Archaeologist cont. ] I�m going to open it any way, so there. (beat) Wait, there�s something written on top. It�s ancient Romany (struggling to translate): �Caution: opening this container will cause your bones to turn into jelly.� Ewwww!

[ Author ] (Jostles Our Archaeologist out of the way and takes a look.) No, it�s Latin: Fragilis hac sum caput. Fragile, this end up.

[ Our Archaeologist ] (Offended) Are you the archaeologist or am I?

[ Author ] Fine. It�s your bones that are going to be turned to jelly.

Later . . . Back outside of the cave.

(The three trudge back outside of the cave.)

[ Starry-Eyed Male ] (Disappointed) I can�t believe that that was all that was in the reliquary. Bogus!

[ Our Archaeologist ] Yeah, and after all the trouble I went though breaking into it.

( Author opens her mouth to say something snide but is prevented by the sudden appearance of a number of Large Sinister Men wearing vaguely familiar military uniforms.)

[ Sinister Man #1] (With a heavy German accent) You will come with us, please.

[ Our Archaeologist ] Ok! Where are we going?

end scene

Part 3

Thought of the Day:

They want to send Lance fron N'Sync into space (and bring him back). Why? ::Bangs head on table::

before ~ after

Failing Miserably - 2004-10-08
So Not Dead/Catching Up - 2004-09-20
Murphy's Law - 2,629,163,298, Sarah - 2 - 2004-08-23
Listmainia! continues - 2004-08-04
Continuing the list - 2004-08-02